What Recession? I'm Swimming in Dividends

Every morning I wake up to the soothing sound of birds chirping, coffee brewing, and—most importantly—my phone buzzing with a notification from my brokerage: “Dividend received.” Ah, capitalism. You glorious, yield-giving beast.

While everyone else is out there panic-hoarding beans and wondering if Jerome Powell’s interest rate hikes will tank their portfolio, I’m over here, kicking back like Scrooge McDuck, diving into a vault of passive income. You see, while some people fear the dreaded R-word—recession—I’ve made it my business to make the downturn my uptick. Welcome to my TED Talk: “How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Dividend Check.”

Recession? Haven’t Heard Her

Let’s get one thing out of the way: Recession isn’t a guaranteed apocalypse. It's not even a guaranteed inconvenience. For the average investor, it’s the emotional equivalent of a jump scare in a horror movie—frightening in the moment but, with the right strategy, completely survivable. Unless, of course, your entire portfolio is just tech stocks and crypto. Then, my friend, you’re not swimming—you’re snorkeling in a sea of red.

But for those of us who’ve embraced the warm, boring hug of dividend-paying stocks, recessions are more like that awkward uncle at Thanksgiving: uncomfortable, but not dangerous. Especially if you’ve built a portfolio with the resilience of a cockroach in a nuclear bunker.

Dividends Don’t Flinch

Here’s the magic sauce: Dividends don’t care about the market’s mood swings. Companies that have committed to consistent, growing dividends tend to be... how do I put this... financially competent. They’re often cash-flow kings with deep moats, reliable earnings, and the kind of balance sheets that make CFOs sleep like babies.

In fact, some of them increase their payouts even during downturns—just to flex. And when Mr. Market goes emo, these dividend stalwarts keep doing what they do best: cutting checks like clockwork.

My bank account doesn’t care that the S&P 500 is throwing a tantrum. It just knows that every quarter (or month, if you’re fancy), money gets deposited like a boss.

The Secret Sauce: DGI (Dividend Growth Investing)

Let’s talk about Dividend Growth Investing, or DGI—because nothing screams “I’m financially literate” like using an acronym. DGI isn’t just about grabbing the highest yields like a financial raccoon; it’s about building a snowball of increasing payouts over time.

Think Coca-Cola, Johnson & Johnson, PepsiCo, Procter & Gamble. These Dividend Aristocrats have increased their dividends for decades—through wars, recessions, pandemics, and even the invention of TikTok. If that’s not stability, I don’t know what is.

And when those dividends get reinvested, it’s game over. That’s compound interest, baby. That’s Einstein’s “eighth wonder of the world” doing crunches in your brokerage account.

But Antonio, Isn’t That Boring?

Yes. Deliciously boring.

While meme stock bros chase the next GameStop to the moon (and then cry when it crash-lands back to Earth), dividend investors quietly collect cash. We’re not here for adrenaline; we’re here for consistency. Boring pays the bills. Boring buys the yacht. Boring retires you early.

And hey, if watching your income grow month after month without lifting a finger is boring, sign me up for the snooze-fest.

The Math of Not Panicking

Let’s get down to the nerdy truth. If you have $500,000 in a portfolio that yields 4%, that’s $20,000 a year in dividends. And if those dividends grow at 5% annually? In ten years, you're looking at more than $32,500 in income—without adding another dime. That’s like getting a raise just for staying alive.

Now imagine you keep investing. You reinvest your dividends. You add money monthly. Pretty soon you’re building a money-printing machine that would make the Federal Reserve blush.

Recession? Pfft. You’re too busy deciding whether to buy another share of Realty Income or just take your dividends to Paris.

What I Hold (And Why I’m Not Crying)

Let’s get personal. You want to know what’s in my dividend vault?

• Realty Income (O): Because monthly dividends are like rent checks I don’t have to collect.

• PepsiCo (PEP): A soda empire that makes money whether it’s a boom or bust.

• Johnson & Johnson (JNJ): They sell Band-Aids, baby shampoo, and COVID vaccines. What don’t they do?

• Brookfield Infrastructure Partners (BIP): Because toll roads, data centers, and utilities don’t go out of style.

• AbbVie (ABBV): Biopharma? More like bio-cash-ma.

This isn’t me bragging (okay, maybe a little), but I built this portfolio precisely for downturns. These companies want to pay me. They pride themselves on it. I’m just letting them do their thing while I sip iced coffee and scroll Zillow.

The Yield Trap: Don’t Be That Guy

Of course, not all dividends are created equal. Chasing high yield without doing your homework is like eating gas station sushi—you're just asking for pain.

Yes, that 12% yield on a sketchy mortgage REIT might look tempting, but if it gets slashed faster than a horror movie victim, what’s the point? Yield without stability is just a Ponzi scheme waiting to happen.

Focus on quality. Look for payout ratios that aren’t red flags, earnings that back the dividend, and management that isn’t just trying to lure investors with shiny numbers.

Dividend Recession Rules: A Snarky Guide

So what do you do when the world’s economy starts coughing like it caught something nasty? Here are my golden (and sarcastic) rules:

1. Don’t Panic. If you’ve built a solid dividend portfolio, keep calm and let the checks come in.

2. Don’t Sell the Farm. Selling good stocks because CNBC screamed “recession” is financial self-sabotage.

3. Reinvest If You Can. Downturns are sales. Would you skip Black Friday because the news said shopping is risky?

4. Don’t Buy Garbage for Yield. Be picky. You want aristocrats, not court jesters.

5. Track Your Income. Watching that monthly income grow is more motivating than watching your stock price.

The Mental Game: Why I Sleep Like a Baby

Here’s something the gurus won’t tell you: Dividend investing is just as much about psychology as it is about numbers. When markets fall and your portfolio is bleeding red, you need something to hold onto.

That’s what dividends are. They’re the hand on your shoulder saying, “It’s okay. You’re still getting paid.” That reassurance is priceless. It gives you the confidence to stay invested, the motivation to keep buying, and the sanity to mute Jim Cramer.

Critics Gonna Criticize

Of course, there are always haters. “Dividend investing is for boomers!” they cry, clutching their Cathie Wood ETFs like a security blanket. “You’ll never beat the market!”

And to them I say: I don’t need to beat the market. I just need to beat my expenses. And I’d rather have reliable cash flow than paper profits I can’t spend.

So while you’re debating your next options trade on Reddit, I’m over here watching “The Office” reruns while $200 drops into my account for doing absolutely nothing.

The Joy of Passive Income

Let me paint you a picture. It’s 9 a.m. I’m in pajamas. No meetings. No boss. No office politics. But my phone buzzes and—bam!—$47.32 hits my account from a dividend distribution.

I didn’t clock in. I didn’t grind. I didn’t even open Excel.

Multiply that feeling by 12 months, and then by 20 stocks, and you’ll understand why dividend investors don’t fear recession—they barely notice it.

Final Thought: Recession-Proof Your Life

Look, I’m not saying recessions aren’t serious. People lose jobs. Markets tank. Economies contract. But if you want to give yourself the best shot at financial peace no matter what the economy throws your way, then here’s your three-word cheat code:

Buy. Quality. Dividends.

Not the sexy choice. Not the headline-grabber. But when the next recession hits, and everyone else is panic-selling for pennies, you’ll be sitting there like a smug squirrel who stored nuts all summer long.

And if you play your cards right, those nuts come with a yield.

So what recession?

I’m swimming in dividends.

Dividend Investing: Dependable Income to Navigate All Market Environments – written by a professional equity income investment manager Paperback – April 8, 2025