Every December, investors cling to the idea of the Santa Rally the way children cling to the North Pole story: “If I believe hard enough, maybe the magic will happen!” The Santa Rally is the market’s version of hoping cookies and milk will summon a bearded man with gifts — except the gifts are supposed to be year-end gains, portfolio padding, and an excuse to brag to your brother-in-law that your 401(k) beat his cryptocurrency side hustle. But here’s the thing nobody wants to admit: Sometimes Santa doesn’t show up. Sometimes the sleigh doesn’t fly. Sometimes the reindeer call in sick. And sometimes — most tragically — the market hits December looking like it slipped on black ice and landed in a snowbank full of disappointing earnings reports. And when Santa’s stuck, when the rally stalls, when December feels like one long cold shower on your dreams, there is always a reason. In fact, there are usually five of them. And this year? Let me introduce you to the Scrooge Squad — t...